wanna let of my past

Had my horror past ,
freaky show back to bench   lied upon the hounds
heaven it was and prayed  was I,
lit with the smiles of  truthfulness ,
lit with the faces of happiness was my dark room of the heart,

I used to lift up my head in honour ,
in pride  overflowed with attitude,
iI was respected, I was the apple of the eye,

But past months taught me to cry,
taught me feelings like depression and lonliness,
lonely I was before too- as i chose to be,
but now lonely I am when am not willing to be,

How could I out of every one do this mistake,
How could I breAk my own rules,
and with this atire of my own mind 
I was keen upon putting my brothers and sisters up right,
I din't know if I was right or wrong
but the only thing i knew was I never wanted them to face the same thing as I did,

Relations are the purest strings where every pearl is to be placed carefully,
may be i missed the carefull nes,
and may be i placed a wrong pearl,
the last few months were just as lovely as a fake jewel,

 I was a person with utter confidence ,
and now I lack the same confidence to take decisions,
thinking was not a task for me,
but now its like hindering past air,

I still crave to forget that horror ,
I still thrive to let off that dark in me,
but its still following me like my on shadow
reminding me evrey moment of my past ,
dark and horrified past.