BATHAMEEZ ZINDAGI...!!

I rest my lazy lounge bum on my bed, sit straight upright with this tech monster on my lap . Right now everything seems so calm in my mind , I know that a million thoughts have been running in my head ever since I woke up from my sleep.

A list of my wishes included becoming a Ninja in my 2nd standard , and when I gradually grew up wanting to be a "Power ranger" or "Spider woman" ,"Flash girl" but I did want to be beautiful and attractive too right from then.

A few years passed away and I have spent all my childhood with my so loyal companion "Idiot box" as everyone call it as. I have no idea why they call it so because it never behaved so with me (I know it sounds wierd but it was really a great companion and a great friend to me who gave me all I wanted for nothing in return)

This time my so loyal friend has made me feel the essence of becoming a “know it all”. There is great pleasure in reading books and being the person who knows everything. I have tried all my life being that but there is always people who are far ahead of me and far dumb than me.

But still I never backed up, I kept going to the library and fell in love with every book I could ever understand. Oh yes! and there it started my madness for literature, fiction and words. I was no goddess of the literature anyways, not even now but all the time I read those books I was captured in those magical worlds of that great creators.

How can simple words in a single language be so effective that they jinxed me ,took me planets afar, locked me up in those dungeons( who cared if it was dark or else too bright , spring or else cold winter, I was just glad that I was away)

An array of light has passes through me, or maybe it was a bulb that was right behind my back.

" now I know what I love the most "

I didn't just stick to reading, I started to take dance lessons afterschool but the classical steps and repeating the same for days together pissed me off. So I was out of it. Then I went on to take Music lessons I found it quite interesting not because I liked singing but because I liked my music teacher's upstand comedy. Later when I felt he wasn't funny enough then I left those classes too. Meanwhile I attended the sports practice sessions in the evening, I have started with- learning to play volleyball then shifted to playing kho - kho. It was rather fun, though all the running around our high school made me sick but it was worth it.

I started getting involved too much according to my dad. But all this time I never stopped reading.

Library has become a sacred place to me. Day by day my English vocabulary has kept showing appreciable improvement, soon I was confident enough to write on my own. All no thanks to my dad that I had to leave my second favourite activity (sports) all because of him.

Till now I don't ever feel like stop reading. Indeed I have the thoughts of taking a degree in literature and making it my profession. The only problem is right now I rather am in a bigger dilemma than Mayawati's drama. I have chained myself to the problematic and unified sadism named "chemistry". This doesn't lead you anywhere but also I realized that I am no good at it anymore.

It’s not that interesting how I thought it was in my eleventh and twelvth classes. More than interesting enough was bio - to me. I sank in the depths of the botanical oceans. (I know it sounds funny but ill-logical)

All I needed was a good career for myself but this certainly is not what I have wished for. Every second I keep thinking " kaash mein ne literature yah phir bio lee hoti tho ithna time waste karna nahin padtha"

I don't know what’s ahead of me and what’s going to happen to my career but all I know is that my life is so stupid enough to make my destiny rather an upbeat mark for this phase .

To improve my Morales I had to make myself think it’s a lesson, lesson that can't be learn't out of any books but out of experience, out of despair, failure and carmic upheavel.